It Takes a Village...Another Dedication to Ramson... I so love my family.

I wish I could re-post all your messages but I cannot! I appreciate all your heartfelt words of encouragement. I want y'all to know I am riding on each and every one of your messages and staying strong. I feel the love y'all!!!! It is true that it does take a whole village to deal with any challenge! While this appears like an insurmountable mountain there sure is a valley at the bottom of the mountain.

Psalm 23:4 Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

I am just dedicating today to appreciating beautiful messages from around the world that leave you tongue tied and uplifted. Here is another one from Ramson my nephew in England, Connie's son. I love you Rammie and thank you for turning me into a legend. I feel like one now thanks to you.... I am legend not cancer.....

You are a soldier and I'm not just saying this, but I have seen you in the thick of battles some of us wouldn't even dare to involve ourselves in. This is another battle and I know it's going to be another resounding victory. I'm SO proud of you. You're brave, courageous and in my eyes a living legend. Not many people share when faced with health challenges. I know you'll beat this nasty illness and in spirit I'm with you all the way. Will keep following your blog.. Love always...Rammie

Dedicating a Very Intimate and Special Moment with Christina

Today I woke up feeling better than yesterday. That nagging chest pain seems to have dissipated for now. Like I always do, check the positives vibes to start my day. Then I get this very special and intimate message from my 'muzukuru" (my grandchild), Hermana's beautiful girl KiKiNa from England! She is only 18 go figure!  You are so full of depth and are very wise KiKi for your age and I do feel the love, thank you, thank you and thank you!. I cried tears of joy as I read this message and I printed it out and pasted it on my bedside so that every time I go to my room I can just read it and feel lifted. These insightful words touched me in the most profound way. Truly, I found myself in the center of something so special and so beautiful.  Thank you Christina for this gift of love and message which I am dedicating to my blog today.  I am lost for words and prefer to dedicate with much love my appreciation for the most beautiful words that keep bringing tears of joy to my eyes. I love you and thank you!  Here is my treasure of gold of a repost message from this young beautiful and insightful girl. My lovely muzukuru, I love you KiKi and I appreciate you with every bone in my body:


Hey Gogo i'am your musukuru christine.i would like to let you know reading your posts, words cannot express just how i feel.pure tears to my eyes, truly.... Form this moment and onwards we are going to move forward together as a grand daughter and grandmother.Gogo we might not have sheared a close relationship but believe me from this point am going to shear your lemons that life throws at you with you. In most tradition the grandmother is of a high status and looks over her children and grandchildren. but let us swap roles gogo. i'am going to look after you everyday till the day that you get better.i might not be there for you psychically in person but know that even though am 10 thousand miles away my heart and soul is within you wrapped around in the wisdom the lays within you. There are many things i would love to say but they are just too typical and i know lots of people have probably sed them to you more then once, i bet it must sound like a tape recorder repeating itself over and over again. But gogo because am different from the rest,i say the unexpected. i don't hope that you get better. i know that you will get better. i dont doubt myself because i have FAITH in GOD. i want you to cry me a river gogo. The only way us humans can move on and regain strength when we are at our weakest points is if we let all of our emotions out but dont let the grief take over you completely gogo. Me and God are here to help you get better. You can fight these demons you have already started. gogo you are going to go through hell and back and at some moments you feel like giving up. i want you to say this little unique prayer i have written for you. At the peak points of the moment you feel like giving up. dear god. i know your are standing right besides me with your angles in this time of agony.god i thank you for all that you have done for me in my life and i cherish all that you have given me. my god you are good and great please take away this pain and weakness within me. and give me strength again.in the name of the father and the holy sprite amen. love yu x 

Every Dark Cloud has a Silver Lining

 Its late afternoon and I thought I might continue sleeping and being a Debby Downer with my hurting chest and all, but my Professor Jennifer just emailed me with the best news for the day. She just a put a smile on my face as I wobbled out of bed. Remember people, all these happening occurred when I was working on my thesis for the Master in Social Work. And it gets better, she just informed me that my major research paper was back from the second reader with good reviews! I appreciate this woman because she was not only my Professor during the year but she was a shoulder I cried on more than often. Her resonance evoked confidence in me and helped me to stay focused and calm in the middle of the chaos which began in June. I am always amazed by strong powerful women like Jen who truly believe in you when you have lost belief in your own self. She made me see the great potential in my suffering and possibilities ahead. I just read the good comments from the second reader and now I am even more inspired and motivated to beat this so that I can do my Phd. Do you know what that means? It means I am going to graduate this October. I don't know how that is going to look like but, whether hairless from chemo or what I am going to walk that stage owning that baldness and turning it into victorious. I know I have the "C" word but, like I said before, I am not letting this put me down.  I am just rearranging my life and choosing daily to grow in awareness that I have the courage to be imperfect and knowing that I am loved by all my friends and family who have already graciously started to send me positive affirmations. So, thank ya'll for keeping me strong with your kind words. I cannot thank you all enough. Keep the positive affirmations flowing. You are helping me take charge of my body and mind. What that means is that I am taking charge of my cancer rather than let the cancer take charge of me. After sharing the good news with my rock and fabulous daughter, Tinashe, she just baked these yummy gummy chocolate cupcakes.

Ummm! they are melting in my mouth! So, now we are having a cupcake party. Yay! we are indulging and just binging and just letting loose. I gotta go now the cupcakes await.....

When Life gives you Lemons.....

Woke up feeling tightness and pain in my chest. Holding on and trying to keep my spirits up. Sometimes I am not sure whether to call it good news or bad news, but I got a message from my doctor that I don't have an appointment with the Oncologist yet but he was sure it would be next week. Now, let me not dwell on this aspect because it is beyond my control. I am taking it easy today and just resting to take care of this pain in my chest. Someone asked me today, what do you do when life hands you lemons? And I thought, whoever said make lemonade is sure crazy because if you don't have sugar that lemonade will suck! Then I remembered reading this interesting stuff about lemons and life somewhere:


1.When life gives you lemons, say: “What the hell am I supposed to do with this?!”
2.When life gives you lemons, be sure to send a hand written thank you note for the lemons, as email thank you notes can appear to be less sincere
3.When life gives you lemons suck out all of the vitamin C and yell “EAT THAT, LIFE!
4.When life gives you lemons ask for salt and tequila!
5.When life gives you lemons, make orange juice, then wonder how the heck you did it
6.When life hands you lemons make lemonade and find someone else who life handed vodka to, and have a party
7.When life gives you lemons alter their DNA and make super lemons!!
8.When life gives you lemons just shut up and eat your damn lemons
9.When life gives you lemons sell them on ebay
10.When life gives you lemons when no one is looking, throw them through life’s window and run away
11.When life gives you lemons, squirt the juice in his eye
12.When life gives you lemons, ask for the receipt



So, people, make your pick and put your number in the comments maybe I may follow your advise because so far, really, am not sure what to do? Am thinking maybe I should be grateful for these damn lemons and share them with others.

What is Hodgkin's Lymphoma?

According to the Lymphoma Foundation of Canada,Hodgkin's Lymphoma is a cancer of the lymphatic system in which there is progressive (but painless) enlargement of lymph tissue followed by enlargement of the spleen and liver. Hodgkin's Lymphoma is very rare and only one percent of all types of cancer turn out to be Hodgkin's according to the United States National Institute of Health. Those statistics freak me out and set me off into an over-thinking mode. I guess its normal given the enormity of this disease.(see image of body's lymphatic system). In addition, the John Hopkins Clinic state that the defining characteristics of lymphoma are cells in the lymphatic tissues that grow rapidly and uncontrollably. The cancer may spread to other organs, such as lungs, liver and bone marrow. But, the good news is with prompt detection prognosis is good.  Well, that's uplifting. 

Grieving the Loss of my Health

When I am feeling sad I just shut down and I cry and don't listen to reason. I choose not to talk much and prefer to be in silence. That's what I have been doing the past few months. I do not believe there is anyone who wants to think about an illness like cancer and possible untimely death. As someone who has overcome much in my life and just completed a Master in Social Work degree, I felt invincible.  Nothing prepared me for the shock and devastation I experienced on receiving this terminal diagnosis. Just the mere idea that at some point, I may not be able to take care of myself or my children just made me cry uncontrollably. Suddenly, I realized this diagnosis took away my ability to plan for the future. I grieved for my own mortality. Well, I realized that all the tears and strong overwhelming emotions was GRIEF. One may wonder how can you grieve as if you lost someone. The deep sorrow and sadness I experienced after receiving the devastating news was grief. A very personal and universal experience that is different for every individual. I am grieving because I am losing my health. Thats a loss right there. The feelings of numbness and shock at receiving news was all normal. I guess those are the complex realities of receiving such life altering news.  Damn, as a social worker one would assume I should know about this. I recall my undergrad learning during my internship that grieving helps us come to terms with what is happening as well as coming to terms with the future. Yes, grieving is not a sign of weakness but my necessity.

Hope, Musings and Reflections

A winning attitude is what I intend to keep throughout this journey. I know it will not be easy but I will fight to WIN! It is difficult but, the outpouring messages of love and hope from all my friends and family are making a difference. I am taking this reality that confronts me and looking it straight in the eye without denying what will be or what can be. What I need up my sleeve is a funny bone because if I can laugh at it I can live with it. Today, is a new day and I am holding onto hope and making a choice to live and not let worry get the best of me. So, I am writing this letter to help me start anew.

Dear Hodgkins Lymphoma,  How dare you? I do not recall giving you the permission to invade my body. I am here to tell you that this is my body and I will fight you with all my might. I know and I know that there is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonics so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow.

It is hope that I hold on to right now and I plan to rearrange my life to make it worth living again just like before. I am planning on turning this journey into an awakening... a breakthrough and dynamic life giving experience.  I vehemently refuse to quit! Like my favourite philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, "He who has a 'why' to live can bear with almost any 'how'".