You are all wondering how is chemo overview part of staging? It is part of staging because once all the tests are done you have to be prepared and reminded again about the notorious side effects of chemotherapy and how it would drastically impact your life - the usual blah blah blah blah! Shall I save you from the gory details, I think not! The nausea and vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, skin and nail changes(who knew breaking or falling off), the fatigue, the hair loss, mouth sores and reproductive changes (not that I care much about that)! What else? They tell you to save yourself the trauma - "don't go finding answers on Google!" Really, who doesn't go on Google when they are freaking out about something concerning their health? Yeah, scary no wonder you have to take a class and some more literature to read (I need a whole space for lymphoma on my bookshelf) topped up with a guided tour of the place where its all gonna happen - not very private but who needs it anyway. I wish we could just focus on the positives - I guess there are not so much positives apart from how chemo shrinks the cancer cells and hopefully gives you your life back. This really feels like school except I am paying more attention and exercising more due diligence this is my life ya'll. I need to have a handle on this so I need to take everything in. Don't want any surprises once the chemo shit starts sending me on a roller coaster. After the class, I wanted to reflect more on this but realized that I am not in a position to diss how chemo is toxic or how bad it is because I need this toxic shit to shrink these cancer cells causing me much distress. You know how they say, people who live in glass houses should not throw stones?Anyhoo, yesterday was the D-day, the final part of the staging process. Phew! no needles and no machines for now. What a relief! My right arm is hurting from all the poking and proding so far, I deserve a break. This was just a training session on Questions and Concerns before you begin chemo. No, its not a one-on-one its a group session. As I looked at the agenda I wondered, if some of the stuff pisses you off, do they think any one of us was going to get up and say "Fuck That! I am not going through with this damn chemo?" You look around and see the look in everyone's eyes full of anticipation and shouting lets do this! For myself including the others in the room it appeared no matter how scary it all sounded, we were all ready and prepping for starting chemo next week. It was interesting that as people introduced themselves around the room, the different types of cancer were represented, pancreatic cancer, lung cancer, colon cancer, breast cancer and lymphoma. It looked like one of those diversity classes except this class makes you even more aware that cancer does not discriminate. It affects all of us whether you are black, white, brown or yellow - everyone is susceptible to cancer! Cancer does not care whether you are rich, poor or somewhere in between. Damn this cancer! As we introduced ourselves we also mentioned who our different Oncologists were. For a minute you forget about your own cancer and just go Wow! I am not alone in this battle, we are an army fighting this formidable battle! When I saw the people who came for this appointment alone - unaccompanied by family or friends, it broke my heart and compelled me to count my blessings as I watched Tinashe sitting beside me as she intently proceeded to take notes and ask pertinent questions about how she can support me like she is back in University! Gosh! it brings tears to my eyes. Tears of joy and gratitude. I appreciate you Tinashe more than you will ever know! You are my pillar of strength! Thank you for your dedication and sacrifice, you are amazing!
Anyway, let me bring you back to my earlier blog where I mentioned that I really like my Oncologist because unlike my not so good experiences earlier on in this journey, he treated me like a person deserving dignity like everyone else, not a statistic to be entered into a database. So, the good news is that - I was right! The first thing the charming and friendly Oncology Nurse facilitating the overview said repeatedly, "I love your Oncologist, he is the best!" I just beamed and confirmed that I loved him too! She kept repeating..."He is the best!" Let me tell ya'll, I felt so comforted and privileged that I was in good hands after-all. Of course, the other people in the room may not have received this news well because who wants to be second best? I think this session was really helpful because it prepares you while at the same time gives you control of the more difficult part of the journey that lies ahead. I will not bug ya'all with the nitty gritties but what we covered was, getting to know your health care team, what chemotherapy is and how it works, a typical treatment day, tips to help you manage side effects and tips to help you cope.
I will go over my own regiment since each person's treatment is different. Like I have said before, my course of treatment is called ABVD which is a four drug regimen. A-Adriamycin;B-Bleomycyin; V-Vinblastine and D-Dacarbazine. These drugs are usually given in that order (A,B,V,D) lasting 28 days and consists of two treatments given two weeks apart over a period of about six months. Each drug listed above works in combination and treats Hodgkin's differently and has its own side effects.
I will not address the anticipated fear and dread associated with my impending chemo next week because re-harshing my fears is not going to benefit me in any positive way. In fact, apart from sounding like a broken record, its just escalating my anxiety levels! Whoever came up with the theory that fear is a survival mechanism in response to perceived threat was crazy! Fear is what it is. It is what it is.....You are afraid, you are worried, you are anxious and you are nervous. I think I have said enough about my fear and so far it has not worked for me. So, with that said, I will remain with the understanding that because fear lies in my sub-conscious mind, I just need to understand that often things always look impossible until its done. Who said, courage is not the absence of fear! Remember to stay tuned......
No comments:
Post a Comment