New Day New Beginning

Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start. Nido Qubein

If someone had told me that today would be my first day at work, I would not have believed it. I would have received it as mockery because of the horrible way I have felt for a long time. But, hey, Joy comes in the morning.  The Lord is blessing me with health and has opened a fulfilling opportunity; I have begun living a purpose driven life. Well, it feels so great to tell y'all that today was my first day at my new fabulous job! I had an amazing orientation and am already in madly in love with what lies ahead. I am surrounded by fabulous people just full of kindness and understanding of the journey I am coming from. Lots of accommodation and lots of everything that anyone can dream of reach your potential.  I am so thrilled and am doing the happy dance.

Remember, I had told you that I am working on a new personal project. Well, you can now visit me on my other new website on www.http://nommo.ca  Please visit and enjoy! If anyone is interested in making a contribution there are possibilities to join me in this collaboration as a guest and we can use the power of words to change the world!

Be well and stay tuned.....

Epilogue - My Final Chapter

I hold close to my heart the vivid memories of when this journey began. Apart from the tears and sadness, there were many life lessons learned. I recall searching the web for answers -  big mistake if you ask me! I used to read a lot of cancer blogs on the internet and I got scared but at the same time I was inspired by other incredible people who had travelled the same journey or are still on the ride like me. What caught my attention was that most blogs just ended suddenly and I was left wondering what happened to those people. However, after I began to slack on my postings myself, I realized that once you start feeling better you lose that passion because of the excitement of getting back into the swing of things. I am going to keep this blog up because even though I dont have too much to report on, I will keep updating about how I am doing as I move to new projects. I have started working on a social work dot com that is going to be a real kicker. Follow me on my musings as a regular person making a lasting commitment to making a real difference in our world. You will not want to miss it for anything. Just stay tuned.....

Anyway, recently I was having an epic conversation with Tinashe and she was telling me how excited she was that I am feeling so much better now and I am able to run that treadmill, break a sweat and pump some iron at the gym. Then, she asked me if cancer had changed my life or what I would change going forward?  Wow! I thought for a while - honestly, I remain ambivalent about my prognosis and cannot help but wonder what tomorrow brings. I have hated every day of this cancer nightmare, but I am appreciative of y'all for being there for me every step of the way. I have had more help than other people in my situation and I am grateful. Gratitude is what I have in my heart and in my spirit. Sorry, I digressed…. I pondered how has it changed me? I guess, I am more cognizant than ever that life is short and that it is important to grab hold of life everyday - appreciate it and give thanks that you have yet another day to breathe, laugh, love and enjoy just being... Knowing that life has an expiration date made me stop putting off doing the things that I love. You are wondering what things are those? I mean giving myself permission just to be silly. To do the things I used to enjoy when I was young like travelling, cycling, jogging and all the silly things that used to make me laugh. I will jump on the couch because it is there. I will bounce on the bed because I can. I will find new things to do. Make new friends, learn a new sport, ride a bike with my children who are avid cyclists already. I will give more hugs and say thanks for just being alive.

How has it changed me? Its interesting that, I have read about how after cancer, other people descend into depression or quit their jobs to reduce stress, some people turn vegetarian and give up alcohol. Others find God while for some relationships collapse. Thank God, my partner of six years never wavered. He held my hand, wiped my tears and stood by me selflessly. He is such a trooper and I love him to death. As for me? I am not going to sit here and start sounding all sentimental, mushy or philosophical. I just feel so blessed and am not shy to say that I am an overcomer. I never stopped dreaming big! Anyhow, once I got to learn and understand that Hodgkin’s Lymphoma is a result of very, very bad luck and is likely not related in anyway to lifestyle choices I decided, I am changing nothing because I love my life. Maybe, I will do more with each day and strive to get more out of each moment and to see the positive in most situations. I would like to eat more organic fresh vegetables and fruits, particularly from the farmer’s markets. I would like to be more physically active. And most important, take more vacations and just enjoy life. I will continue to follow my passion of being a social worker. Honestly, my life is more meaningful aligned to this abiding passion. I love being a social worker because for me, it is not a job but a vocation or calling. What’s more, it provides the tremendous satisfaction of helping others, which is, more than enough reward.

On a side note, I just accepted an amazing social work leadership job opportunity, amazing salary package, amazing team/colleagues and great working hours with an amazing health centre/clinic. Such is Amazing Grace! I am highly favoured and walking in the victory of God's sanctifying grace! It is faith and assured belief that made me sure of things I hoped for. I cannot believe that I am going back to work after one year hiatus. Phew!!! feels like it was two years. The idea of returning to work is giving me euphoria and I am loving it! Now, I do feel like I have control of my life once again. I just feel victorious and motivated to do an equally amazing job in this incredible role. I am so thrilled and cannot believe I am at this victorious place called HAPPY! Its funny how illness makes you feel hollow and empty inside. To be honest, during this experience, I did feel my confidence slowly slipping away. I experienced those weird moments of self doubt and defeat. But now, the sky is looking blue and I can see the rainbow shining brightly in the horizon! Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. I am happy because I am living and taking in every moment, embracing life and its complexities!

Admittedly, there are problems and sadness in life but our universe is full of abundance and boundless opportunities, if only we could see them. Trust me, the possibilities are without number! I am sure some of you are wondering What? How? When did that happen? Well, it all happened because like they say, when one door of happiness closes, many more open, but often we look so long at the closed door that we fail to see the one which has opened for us. My golden door opened last week and I boldly walked into the fountain of life. I refuse to be defined by cancer because I am more than cancer. I consider myself a winner and victorious given the circumstances. I am now unswervingly focused on my goal to be the change I want to see in the world as I pursue this amazing calling.

Remember, this is not a goodbye but just an epilogue – a final chapter to my journey we victoriously travelled together. I will continue to post about how my health is going. And stay tuned for the dot com which will have even more sizzling narratives of an ambivalent social worker aka survivor.

Be well, Be happy, Be kind and try to do one nice thing a day. You never know whose life you may touch today, tomorrow or ever.

As always, Stay tuned........

I Spoke too soon - Blogging from the Hospital Bed

I guess I spoke too soon about feeling better today.  The chest pain persisted and it was so bad I thought I was having a heart attack. Not that I have any experience of how that feels like. It was just this pressure and excruciating pain on my chest was interfering with my breathing that I came to that conclusion. Anyway, Tinashe called a taxi at 7pm and we rushed to the emergency. On arrival - was not kept waiting. Was rushed to a room and hooked up to an ECG machine to monitor my breathing which was abnormal. Had bloodwork done and I was given morphine for pain and that was good. Did I say good? Yeah gives you a high if you know what I mean. Takes you to another place were you feel like you are floating. Had an ultra sound done and now the doctor wants to do a chest xray to  ascertain what is going on. Its now 12 midnight just finished doing some more blood tests before going for the xray. And Tinashe just gave me a lollilop to cheer me up. And she is telling me how she wants to install this huge overhead light used by doctors to examine patients in her apartment for brightening up the whole place. Mind you this is like a floodlight! This girl is crazy. But, what would I do without this little angel? The doctors and nurses are so kind and just amazing. Stay tuned gotta go for the xray now... Before I go, I just want to say I definitely need an Ipad because it has been so hard to do this from my blackberry. Dear Mr. Steve Jobs, Can you please save me from my misery by donating an Apple Ipad 2. Thank you much. I am thinking does that qualify to go on the Bucket List? I guess so. This means I must start creating a bucket list for myself - sounds inspiring - LOL. I like the idea sounds like a good distraction. Anything to take my mind away helps. Looks like they are keeping me here overnight at the hospital. I am never able to sleep in the hospital it just creeps me out. The noise I know its expected but unbearable.  Someone take me out of here! Now the time is 2:30am and the morphine is working the pain has subsided. Let me try to get some shut eye.