Oh No....the Big 50 Five-OH!!!

For those of you who are not in the loop, tomorrow is my birthday so I thought that I might blog about what this means for me especially after cancer. Tomorrow, I will turn 50 years old. It is my first birthday since being diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma and going through chemo and radiation. I am just happy to be here and have the sun shining in this often cold place. I don't care how old I am turning. Some people would be thinking wow! that is jubilee celebrations - it gotta be big or how will I put it together. For me, all that is far from my thoughts. I know that at 50 "Ahhhh... is the sound I will make every time I sit down in a chair from now on and Uhhhhh... is the sound I will make every time I get up from a chair from now on. Then, I am thinking, as you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes and oops! I can't remember the other two... Good Lord, I am thinking this is crazy..

And... yeah  I remember before my diagnosis, I always said I would want my 50th to be big and fabulous. But, now my thoughts are very far and a bit different. I am thinking,Wow! I made it! I am looking back and doing a lot of reflection on what happened in my life just this past year and how much I have changed.....Don't get me wrong, I do feel privileged reaching this milestone but, I cannot shake off the feeling of my friends I journeyed with during chemo and did not make it. You are forever in my heart. May God rest your body and soul in peace. As the days got closer I kept thinking about the cancer friends I met during treatment and during this journey particularly those that are still struggling more than me. I could not help but keep thinking about those cancer friends I have lost over this short year. I survived and I feel privileged! Most of my friends and my family really wanted a big celebration but I found myself wanting really solitude.

Anyway, here I am after my diagnosis. I have a whole life ahead of me though much different than I had planned prior to my diagnosis. I keep wondering who would I be and what would I be doing had cancer never found its way into my life. This sure was a dramatic curve ball thrown my way which changed everything and will continue to change who I am for the rest of my life. But, the key thing is that I have my life and therefore, I will celebrate that with utmost joy and respect. Life is one of those rare gifts that I hold very close to my heart. I welcome this 50th birthday anniverary and look forward to an amazing year filled with new adventures and dreams to particularly run a marathon for Cancer cure next year.

With that said, I must admit that before cancer, I took everything for granted. Now, I appreciate every new day and put as much as I can into a day. In fact, when I hear people complain about little things, I have to take a pause and think before snapping at them because someone who has not been through cancer cannot appreciate life and all that it brings. I am grateful for every person I encountered throughout my journey. You are the charming gardeners who make my soul blossom! 

Well, who knows whats gonna happen... To keep your spot in the loop, just stay tuned for the big Five-Oh! news..

xoxo

New Day New Beginning

Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start. Nido Qubein

If someone had told me that today would be my first day at work, I would not have believed it. I would have received it as mockery because of the horrible way I have felt for a long time. But, hey, Joy comes in the morning.  The Lord is blessing me with health and has opened a fulfilling opportunity; I have begun living a purpose driven life. Well, it feels so great to tell y'all that today was my first day at my new fabulous job! I had an amazing orientation and am already in madly in love with what lies ahead. I am surrounded by fabulous people just full of kindness and understanding of the journey I am coming from. Lots of accommodation and lots of everything that anyone can dream of reach your potential.  I am so thrilled and am doing the happy dance.

Remember, I had told you that I am working on a new personal project. Well, you can now visit me on my other new website on www.http://nommo.ca  Please visit and enjoy! If anyone is interested in making a contribution there are possibilities to join me in this collaboration as a guest and we can use the power of words to change the world!

Be well and stay tuned.....

The End is Near of this Cancer Journey!

It been a while since I updated my blog. Many things have been happening since and all good I must say. After being sick in my last post, my oncologist nipped it in the bud. After taking antibiotics the balance returned. I have been feeling well and excited about the end of this journey.

First off, I must say that the end is near for me to beat this damn cancer. Great news! my CT scans came back with the tumours largely reduced and I require another extensive scan scheduled for March. Just hearing that piece of news is euphoric. Can you believe after treatment you have to get regular report cards. Its like school all over again. Once all is said and done you just want to know where you stand in terms of the magic words. I cannot wait for the doctor to utter those special words, "You are in remission!" Remission means that the lymphoma has been eliminated or reduced. When the tumour is completely gone, doctors call it "complete remission". When the tumour has been largely reduced but it still remains, it is called, a "partial remission". What is interesting about lymphoma is that even if your disease stands eliminated after treatment is over, it is still not called a cure. Why? I also asked. It is because lymphomas have a chance of recurring and often doctors will wait for a few years before being confident that the disease will not return. Only then can the doctor tell you that you are cured. I am scheduled for another appointment in March which is a few weeks from now. In any case, I am so thrilled that despite the speed bumps, I have been experiencing along the way, life is good! I am taking the life canvas and rewriting my own script particularly, how I feel it should look like. I am thinking, indeed, I am the great champion of my own life. Therefore, as my favourite philosopher Friedrich Nietzche states,"He who has a "why" to live can bear with almost any "how". I am at that special place where I am just trying to find the hows and moving on. Yeah, I am keeping it moving...

With the tumours largely reduced, surviving cancer and making it through the chemo and radiation are my major accomplishments so far. Now that I will be joining the special group of champions called survivors, I am finding new priorities in life, i.e. exercising to get my groove back and yes job hunting!  I am ready to put all that graduate theory into practice. I have been frequenting the gym religiously and boy! its the best thing I have done for myself so far! I feel my groove is coming back, I do feel production of those endorphins being triggered and everything is coming together. I have less fatigue and more mentally alert than I have ever been. Its funny today I went to the gym very early in the morning and two very interesting people were running beside me on the treadmill. One special lady with a bald head whom I later learnt she completed breast cancer treatment in August but is still struggling with fatigue and all the other bull shit. I thought, wow! I am not alone! How fate keeps placing me in the right place at the right time. We instantly became friends and its funny how we have so much in common and so much to reminisce and laugh about. The other was a 68 year old man who was proud to share his age and how the gym has saved his life. Well, I am just so glad that this journey is coming to an end and all in all has been quite educational and life changing in many ways.

I am just glad to be here at this point and wishing I could drink a glass of champagne to celebrate the progress and ultimate good news.

Thank you for always listening to my rants!

Hooray! Just Finished Radiation - #17 to # 20

Today, I had my last radiation blast which means, I am so done, done, done with all treatments and yeah, I am ready to move forward with my life. Wait a minute.... I am doing the happy dance here...... I am a Rad Grad.... Thats me and my dearest daughter/caregiver Tinashe wearing our big smiles in the clinic just after my last radiation blast. The last and final one....  Drumroll please........ Thank you!

I AM DONE AND I AM STILL STANDING STRONG!!! Yeah, I am holding my special mask used during the radiation treatment. Now a souvenir.... any takers - bidders??? Calling once, calling twice... Ha ha ha ha... Just kidding. I am just excited that today marks a big milestone in my life.... I feel like I climbed this very high mountain and now I am standing on top of the mountain and just looking down at the mental gymnastics and the physical aches and pains that I endured this past year. Sighhh....

Wooo hooooo! It is such a wonderful feeling! I probably will not be able to sleep tonight and the following couple of days! It will probably only sink in next week when I dont have to hop into a taxi to go for my daily treatments. I cannot believe that I have come to the end of this truly arduous and formidable journey - Nine long months to be exact. Wow! today, Friday marks the final countdown. I just wish you could all see me. Budding like flower - ready to blossom. Can you believe it has almost been a year since I embarked on this onerous and no picnic journey? This mountain? Maan! it was or rather is high because I feel like I am still climbing. I still have obstacles, challenges and difficulties. Therefore, I am still work in progress. Incredible! I am not a talented singer but, hey right now I am singing "I have overcome, la la la la..". I am singing just to satisfy that basic human need to express emotions in a way that completely satisfies my whole being. And guess what, it is giving me absolute emotional tranquility. I am over that bleak and gloomy feeling that ever doubted the existence of a silver lining.

Even though I am still struggling with the side effects of radiation especially nausea and fatigue. I am feeling so happy that this treacherous journey has come to an end. I dont really care about the sores in my mouth and the difficulty I am experiencing with swallowing. When I look in the mirror, I see this big ugly and sore black burn on my neck. Wait, did I tell y'all that my gums have turned black from radiation. My teeth are sensitive and my finger nails and toe nails are black. But, hey its okay compared to what I have just gone through this is minor. My Chemo Oncologist has given me an appointment for early March to do all the testing again to make sure these cancer suckers are gone. At first, I thought wow, March is kinda far, but incidentally, the radiation continues to work on my body for the next four weeks and by the time I see my Oncologist, hopefully the side effects would have either gone or diminished. So, stay tuned like always......