You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The ENT Visits

I am beginning to feel desolate, I just want to know what is going on and its taking so long. I visited the ENT specialist on June 15th. He tells me the swelling is just too big and he decided to give me a very strong antibiotic to alleviate the swelling as well as in case it was a simple infection. He saw me again on June 28th to see whether the swelling had gone down but, the swelling was still the same. I got some more antibiotics and went back again on 5th July and he tells me he could not do the biopsy because the tumour was lodged into my neck and I needed to see another specialist who deals with that. Oh God! my life is going into a spin! But, there is always a silver lining. My best friend and the God mother of my children, Sam is visiting me from Slocan, British Columbia and we are having so much fun. Oh! Sam, I love you to pieces. You are so special to me and you are my rock! A good distraction from all the depressing happenings. Sam accompanies me to the appointment and holds my hand and renders much needed emotional support. Am glad that Tinashe is getting respite because this whole saga is affecting everyone. My next visit is scheduled for July 21st with the Ortolaryngist in Chief. I am hoping this should be great since he is the big boss! My mind is not justfocused on my health. I am thinking WHY???? I am about to finish my thesis...WHY?????  While I wait for this appointment I am thinking let me pound away and finalize my thesis before the deadline.  I am thinking at least whatever outcome it is at least I will have some kind of accomplishment under my belt. I wait and I type away throughout the night when I lose sleep about whats going on with my health.....

Monday, June 13, 2011

My Hodgkin's Journey

My story is like many who found themselves with an unexpected lump on my neck. I was convinced it was just a tooth ache. After seeing two different doctors they were both not sure what was wrong with me. The doctor set up an appointment for me to have an ultrasound the following day. And then the next day I was doing the PET test where they inject you with a dye.  It was after this result that I was referred to an ENT because the tumour was suspected to be malignant. Oh yeah, this is the day I began to cry. What do you do when you learn that you have a malignant tumour that may be cancer? I burst into tears and the first person I wanted to speak to was my long time partner. I remember going to my partner's work place in a daze and I called him on the phone and asked him to come downstairs. He thought it was a fun visit until I shared the horrible news. He kept saying it may not be cancer dont worry lets wait for the biopsy. I cried uncontrollably like a lunatic. We sat on bench near the elevator and I began to cry and ask why me? Oh boy, this guy is amazing and we have been together for seven years now. He is a very private person and I will often refer to him as my partner rather than his name. He was not embarassed that I broke down in a shopping mall and people were passing by and staring. He comforted me and just told me to be strong. I remember that at some point we just broke out laughing because some women would pass and stare at us in a very strange way. We laughed as we imagined that they were thinking that maybe he was verbally abusing me and I was crying because I was helpless. That was funny. I must say I thought that I had lost the love of my life that day because who wants to be with someone with cancer.  But, nope, he stood there beside me and told me that he would be there all the way. I appreciated that very much.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

What is wrong with me?

Like others before me, I have decided to chronicle my experiences with Hodgkins Lymphoma and hope to inspire others going through the same. Tinashe fabulous my rock and queen of blogging just advised me to put all these tears into words as I struggle with this unimaginable journey with cancer. I come from a very big family all over the world whom I value so much that I do not mind sharing and allowing you all to track my progress. I know that I will not be able to speak to you everyday and thank God for the internet you can all follow my journey. I also realize how uncomfortable and difficult it can be to ask questions or just want to know how I am doing. So I will post and you can respond to me or each other and we can have fun with this thing. You can all post a little something in the comments section.....We will be together through my highs and lows and hopefully celebrate victory at the end of the long journey. Sounds great, though I know I can only share a small snippet of my life happenings. With that said, I am writing this so that I can make sense of what is going on in my head and in my life. I hope putting my thoughts down will be some kind of therapeutic process to help me come to terms with all these things that seem like a weird dream that I hope to wake up from at some point. Its June, I just finished my internship as a Clinical Social Worker at a hospital. I had a blast. It was the most exciting and amazing experience of my Master's Program. By the way, I am in the middle of writing my thesis for my Master in Social Work. Aaaargh!!!! so much work and so much going on in my life right now. It worth mentioning that I have been struggling with chronic fatigue and think its all the work and school. Its June 9th weekend and I am feeling sickish like am going to catch a cold and my fabulous daughter Tinashe, wants to take me out for lunch at our favourite Sushi place to breakaway from this thesis pounding on the computer almost driving me nuts. I drag myself out of bed and we end up having a good time and concluded it was the early symptoms of a cold. I take Nyquill before bedtime and hoped to feel better the following day, Sunday. But, I wake up still not feeling great and I have this slight swelling on my left jaw. Crap, I think I have a tooth ache and on Monday I book a dental appointment. The dentist says my teeth were perfect but, he was concerned with the swelling, so he refers me to the emergency to see an Orthodontist. At first he thought it was an abcess which he ruled out shortly after. He then sent me to do a CT Scan which revealed an abnormal tumour. The following day I was scheduled to do a PET Scan. I received an injection of some radioactive sugar which they called 'dye'. This test further confirmed an abnormal tumour that could be malignant. I was immediately referred to see an ENT specialist the following day. Oh Lord! what is going on? The following day I go to see him and my nightmare begins....... See y'all online...

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Acknowledgements


I wish to acknowledge and cite the incredible images used in my blog from various websites on google.