Today, I often do forget how old I am. I need some digital calculator to subtract the year I was born from today's date to figure it out. I don't worry about or celebrate "years" anymore. I am just happy to be here. Happy to have family and friends I love. Happy to have fulfilling work. Just plain happy to be alive and well. I now celebrate my birthday everyday when I wake up - It is a new birth for me. It means I made it another day. I no longer care how old I am getting. Just grateful to be alive and sharing precious time with those I love and can't be without. Every year is a step forward away from the year I had to fight for my life. Before cancer, I took everything for granted. Now, I appreciate every new day. When I hear people complain, I have to think before I respond, because someone who has not been through cancer, cannot appreciate life and all that it brings. It feels great to be alive.
If I had to sum up my 50th Birthday Anniversary in one word, the word would be "Fabulous". The amazing people in my life made great such effort in making my birthday just beautiful and memorable! Milestones Restaurant was just appropriate for the occasion. A milestone indeed! I just want to thank all my family and friends for the overwhelming birthday wishes and cheer. Thank you for your continued love, support and encouragement throughout my crisis and personal struggles. Most important, a big thank you to everyone for a lovely birthday dinner. It was absolutely fabulous and great to get together with everyone and just be present in the moment. I just think we all needed that because we sure had good food and good laughs. Wow! I love y'all thank you for making me feel so special and loved.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Friday, June 29, 2012
Oh No....the Big 50 Five-OH!!!
And... yeah I remember before my diagnosis, I always said I would want my 50th to be big and fabulous. But, now my thoughts are very far and a bit different. I am thinking,Wow! I made it! I am looking back and doing a lot of reflection on what happened in my life just this past year and how much I have changed.....Don't get me wrong, I do feel privileged reaching this milestone but, I cannot shake off the feeling of my friends I journeyed with during chemo and did not make it. You are forever in my heart. May God rest your body and soul in peace. As the days got closer I kept thinking about the cancer friends I met during treatment and during this journey particularly those that are still struggling more than me. I could not help but keep thinking about those cancer friends I have lost over this short year. I survived and I feel privileged! Most of my friends and my family really wanted a big celebration but I found myself wanting really solitude.
Anyway, here I am after my diagnosis. I have a whole life ahead of me though much different than I had planned prior to my diagnosis. I keep wondering who would I be and what would I be doing had cancer never found its way into my life. This sure was a dramatic curve ball thrown my way which changed everything and will continue to change who I am for the rest of my life. But, the key thing is that I have my life and therefore, I will celebrate that with utmost joy and respect. Life is one of those rare gifts that I hold very close to my heart. I welcome this 50th birthday anniverary and look forward to an amazing year filled with new adventures and dreams to particularly run a marathon for Cancer cure next year.
With that said, I must admit that before cancer, I took everything for granted. Now, I appreciate every new day and put as much as I can into a day. In fact, when I hear people complain about little things, I have to take a pause and think before snapping at them because someone who has not been through cancer cannot appreciate life and all that it brings. I am grateful for every person I encountered throughout my journey. You are the charming gardeners who make my soul blossom!
Well, who knows whats gonna happen... To keep your spot in the loop, just stay tuned for the big Five-Oh! news..
xoxo
Friday, June 22, 2012
My Daughter got hit by a taxi cab driver
Today of all days I am down with a severe respiratory infection and recovering from the surgery. Then, I get this phone call that Tinashe had been hit by a car. On receiving the news, I just felt numb and could not get out my bed. You know how when you receive such news you just have this feeling that someone is not telling you everything. Anyway, what happened was, Tinashe was cycling as she always does on one of our very busy streets and this taxi cab driver carelessly hit her dragged into the other lane where another car was coming from another direction. As she fell on the pavement the bike was on top of her, she says she saw the other coming towards her, almost running her over. But, she could not move an inch. She talks about the kind of shock that paralyses you and leaves you helpless.
First off, thank God, she was wearing a helmet which she had just purchased the previous day. Secondly, thank God the other motorist was able to apply brakes right in front of where she was lying down. The guy, I am told was so shaken but was able to lift Tinashe out of the road in case another car came speeding. He was visibly shaken and kept saying I almost killed you. He was so shaken he could not drive his car and had to ask someone else to come and drive him.
Anyway that is the good guy, now the taxi guy he starts yelling at Tinashe that,"you are affecting my livelihood"! And he does not even care to see if she is okay. I am still scratching my head.... Can you believe some careless drivers??? Anyway, the public came to her rescue before the police came on the scene. The public really told this guy off that he should be placed behind bars for his callousness. I love Torontonians, they are still beautiful people around.. Let me just take this opportunity to appreciate the heroes that were the first respondents. It was the public that gathered around and held her hand and comforted her. Even, one stranger accompanied her to the hospital. There are still good people around..... Once the police came and ambulance, she was taken to the hospital and is doing fine. She hurt her back and her right arm which is in a brace support bandage. She suffered whiplash and torn tendons. As for the taxi guy, his license was suspended and hopefully she can sue for damages and loss of income for the time she is unable to perform normal daily tasks. What is interesting about all this is how much she was minimizing her experience. As always, putting me first. She kept saying I am the one who is sick yet it was obvious that she was injured yet remained selfless as always. What would I do really without this amazing daughter that God gave me??? Always ready to give without expecting anything in return. I love you Tinashe and I am wishing you a speedy recovery....
xoxo
First off, thank God, she was wearing a helmet which she had just purchased the previous day. Secondly, thank God the other motorist was able to apply brakes right in front of where she was lying down. The guy, I am told was so shaken but was able to lift Tinashe out of the road in case another car came speeding. He was visibly shaken and kept saying I almost killed you. He was so shaken he could not drive his car and had to ask someone else to come and drive him.
Anyway that is the good guy, now the taxi guy he starts yelling at Tinashe that,"you are affecting my livelihood"! And he does not even care to see if she is okay. I am still scratching my head.... Can you believe some careless drivers??? Anyway, the public came to her rescue before the police came on the scene. The public really told this guy off that he should be placed behind bars for his callousness. I love Torontonians, they are still beautiful people around.. Let me just take this opportunity to appreciate the heroes that were the first respondents. It was the public that gathered around and held her hand and comforted her. Even, one stranger accompanied her to the hospital. There are still good people around..... Once the police came and ambulance, she was taken to the hospital and is doing fine. She hurt her back and her right arm which is in a brace support bandage. She suffered whiplash and torn tendons. As for the taxi guy, his license was suspended and hopefully she can sue for damages and loss of income for the time she is unable to perform normal daily tasks. What is interesting about all this is how much she was minimizing her experience. As always, putting me first. She kept saying I am the one who is sick yet it was obvious that she was injured yet remained selfless as always. What would I do really without this amazing daughter that God gave me??? Always ready to give without expecting anything in return. I love you Tinashe and I am wishing you a speedy recovery....
xoxo
Monday, June 4, 2012
I am still here....Updates
It seems like ages since I have posted updates so I thought it was about time I updated y'all properly on what has been going on in my world. You know I miss y'all. And, thank you to all those who have inboxed checking up on me. A lot has been happening with me these past few weeks. You have not heard from me in a while because I figured, why not blog when things are looking up rather than blog about sad and depressing stuff. While I do feel guilty at times about this I find myself pausing and reminding myself what this blog was really about, RESOLVING TO LIVE and if I am doing that, it means I don't always have to be a Debbie Downer but breathe LIFE! Of course, the side effects are still in force. My saliva is still missing in action and the fatigue continues. Sometimes I feel like a centenarian - yeah over 100 years old believe me. But, as always I remain hopeful that this will all go away at some point with all the abundant love surrounding me and the gym tonic...I recharge every time I go to the gym its been working miracles so far.
I know the worst appears to be over and I am coping extremely well, healing, adjusting to work/life balance and rebuilding in every sense of the word. Often, it feels like a real chore - the truth is, the illness, the pain, the terror of almost dying shattered something in my soul. So, as much as many people talk about healing and moving on, I believe there is no such thing because the trauma remains deeply etched in my brain. Life is never the same after cancer. I do have those occasional pity party moments but try to remain positive. Just to give y'all an update and assure everyone that I have not gone anywhere. Am still here and kicking cancer's ass in spite of.... all the above! I still worry that the cancer may come back but I know that whatever happens I will be able to deal with it. As always, I have control over my diet, exercise and attitude but there are some things in life we can never control. With that said, I promise to work hard on continuing this blog and reminding everyone who reads my blog that there is life after cancer. The journey may be difficult but once you get there it can be pretty amazing.
Anyway, the last time you heard from me, I had a golf ball size swelling on my jaw. I went to see my Oncologist last week and he referred me back to the Oncologist Surgeon who had initially done my biopsy at the beginning of this journey. Boy! when that happened, I was shocked and I just stopped in my tracks. Many things going through my mind.... First, I thought, wow, has the cancer made a return? Then, I also remembered how painful the surgical biopsy was and I was overwhelmed with emotion. I wept, because I thought this sure feels like a classic snakes and ladder's game which I am not keen on playing at all. Then, I recalled how I had been mistreated during the beginning of this cancer journey. I felt like asking my oncologist to refer me to someone else. But, remember last time I talked about hitting the refresh button. Well, I did just that, I hit the refresh button on life and it seems to really help because it gave me a clean slate and a dose of courage to confront life curve balls every time they are thrown at me.
As always, I went in with my rock, Tinashe by my side, just nervous and anxious but carrying the ever blazing optimistic torch. The good news is, this guy unlike last time, actually remembered me, including my first name and treated me so well. We were both dumb founded. He told me that I had an inflammed abscess and proceeded to explain what was going to happen before doing the incision and drainage. Yeah it was quite painful because apparently anaesthesia does not really work on an inflammed part of the skin. Still the good news is, I felt like the red carpet was rolled out for me despite the very painful procedure. From his assistant up to the residents, nurses, I just felt like a VIP. After the unpleasant procedure, I continued taking my antibiotics and pain meds and within a few days felt much better. The swelling actually went down within a few days which made happy. But, that does not mean I am out of the woods yet.
So far, I just have a scar on my cheek a reminder of this never ending journey called cancer. No wonder its called a journey! Now, I am waiting for my next appointment in August where the same surgeon will do a CT Scan and insert a camera through my nose to determine why I had the inflammation in the first place. He wants to make sure I do not have any hodgkins tumours growing again under the abscess. So, stay tuned for that part of the journey.
Until then, "Dream as if you will live forever and live as if you will die today"...
I know the worst appears to be over and I am coping extremely well, healing, adjusting to work/life balance and rebuilding in every sense of the word. Often, it feels like a real chore - the truth is, the illness, the pain, the terror of almost dying shattered something in my soul. So, as much as many people talk about healing and moving on, I believe there is no such thing because the trauma remains deeply etched in my brain. Life is never the same after cancer. I do have those occasional pity party moments but try to remain positive. Just to give y'all an update and assure everyone that I have not gone anywhere. Am still here and kicking cancer's ass in spite of.... all the above! I still worry that the cancer may come back but I know that whatever happens I will be able to deal with it. As always, I have control over my diet, exercise and attitude but there are some things in life we can never control. With that said, I promise to work hard on continuing this blog and reminding everyone who reads my blog that there is life after cancer. The journey may be difficult but once you get there it can be pretty amazing.
Anyway, the last time you heard from me, I had a golf ball size swelling on my jaw. I went to see my Oncologist last week and he referred me back to the Oncologist Surgeon who had initially done my biopsy at the beginning of this journey. Boy! when that happened, I was shocked and I just stopped in my tracks. Many things going through my mind.... First, I thought, wow, has the cancer made a return? Then, I also remembered how painful the surgical biopsy was and I was overwhelmed with emotion. I wept, because I thought this sure feels like a classic snakes and ladder's game which I am not keen on playing at all. Then, I recalled how I had been mistreated during the beginning of this cancer journey. I felt like asking my oncologist to refer me to someone else. But, remember last time I talked about hitting the refresh button. Well, I did just that, I hit the refresh button on life and it seems to really help because it gave me a clean slate and a dose of courage to confront life curve balls every time they are thrown at me.
As always, I went in with my rock, Tinashe by my side, just nervous and anxious but carrying the ever blazing optimistic torch. The good news is, this guy unlike last time, actually remembered me, including my first name and treated me so well. We were both dumb founded. He told me that I had an inflammed abscess and proceeded to explain what was going to happen before doing the incision and drainage. Yeah it was quite painful because apparently anaesthesia does not really work on an inflammed part of the skin. Still the good news is, I felt like the red carpet was rolled out for me despite the very painful procedure. From his assistant up to the residents, nurses, I just felt like a VIP. After the unpleasant procedure, I continued taking my antibiotics and pain meds and within a few days felt much better. The swelling actually went down within a few days which made happy. But, that does not mean I am out of the woods yet.
So far, I just have a scar on my cheek a reminder of this never ending journey called cancer. No wonder its called a journey! Now, I am waiting for my next appointment in August where the same surgeon will do a CT Scan and insert a camera through my nose to determine why I had the inflammation in the first place. He wants to make sure I do not have any hodgkins tumours growing again under the abscess. So, stay tuned for that part of the journey.
Until then, "Dream as if you will live forever and live as if you will die today"...
xoxo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)