Oh No....the Big 50 Five-OH!!!

For those of you who are not in the loop, tomorrow is my birthday so I thought that I might blog about what this means for me especially after cancer. Tomorrow, I will turn 50 years old. It is my first birthday since being diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma and going through chemo and radiation. I am just happy to be here and have the sun shining in this often cold place. I don't care how old I am turning. Some people would be thinking wow! that is jubilee celebrations - it gotta be big or how will I put it together. For me, all that is far from my thoughts. I know that at 50 "Ahhhh... is the sound I will make every time I sit down in a chair from now on and Uhhhhh... is the sound I will make every time I get up from a chair from now on. Then, I am thinking, as you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes and oops! I can't remember the other two... Good Lord, I am thinking this is crazy..

And... yeah  I remember before my diagnosis, I always said I would want my 50th to be big and fabulous. But, now my thoughts are very far and a bit different. I am thinking,Wow! I made it! I am looking back and doing a lot of reflection on what happened in my life just this past year and how much I have changed.....Don't get me wrong, I do feel privileged reaching this milestone but, I cannot shake off the feeling of my friends I journeyed with during chemo and did not make it. You are forever in my heart. May God rest your body and soul in peace. As the days got closer I kept thinking about the cancer friends I met during treatment and during this journey particularly those that are still struggling more than me. I could not help but keep thinking about those cancer friends I have lost over this short year. I survived and I feel privileged! Most of my friends and my family really wanted a big celebration but I found myself wanting really solitude.

Anyway, here I am after my diagnosis. I have a whole life ahead of me though much different than I had planned prior to my diagnosis. I keep wondering who would I be and what would I be doing had cancer never found its way into my life. This sure was a dramatic curve ball thrown my way which changed everything and will continue to change who I am for the rest of my life. But, the key thing is that I have my life and therefore, I will celebrate that with utmost joy and respect. Life is one of those rare gifts that I hold very close to my heart. I welcome this 50th birthday anniverary and look forward to an amazing year filled with new adventures and dreams to particularly run a marathon for Cancer cure next year.

With that said, I must admit that before cancer, I took everything for granted. Now, I appreciate every new day and put as much as I can into a day. In fact, when I hear people complain about little things, I have to take a pause and think before snapping at them because someone who has not been through cancer cannot appreciate life and all that it brings. I am grateful for every person I encountered throughout my journey. You are the charming gardeners who make my soul blossom! 

Well, who knows whats gonna happen... To keep your spot in the loop, just stay tuned for the big Five-Oh! news..

xoxo

Celebrating Life - Its Tapfuma's 18th Birthday

Lets celebrate just living and lets make everyday a holiday! Today, I celebrate life and the beauty that it bestows upon all of us. I may be sick but its important that we celebrate life and still stand strong when adversity hits. Yesterday was my son Tapfuma's 18th birthday and I feel it is befitting that I honour and appreciate this special man in my life who brings joy not only to me, but to every person he encounters. He is a true blessing! I am therefore sharing with you the special letter I wrote to him.

Dear Tapfuma Garabga:

To tell you the truth, I am already a complete mess because its your 18th birthday. I am a bundle of emotions and uncontrollable tears just thinking where did the past 18 years go? I wish your lovely dad Ticharwa Garabga would see you. He would be so proud! Now, all these plans to go to University out of Province and living alone! Phew! time went by so fast. Thank God, all my tears hold no regrets. They are all tears of joy just knowing that you have grown into an incredible man that you are. I love you so much more than you could ever imagine and I am so proud of you. You are the joy and light of my life. Now, let me try to describe the gift that you have given me even though I know it may be a major undertaking. You have given to me the gift of love. You have taught me how to say "I love you" as many times as I see you. And those hugs and kisses mean so much to me. You are so loving and so giving. I am unable to articulate it into words that anyone can comprehend. I am so grateful that God gave us such a loving and close relationship. I remember when you were young most people told me to "enjoy that you talk to me so openly - others said it will not always be that way". Thank you for proving every one of them wrong!

But, how did you get to be so tall even taller than me? How did you get so independent, so capable, so complex and so funny? You are not only unconditionally present but, absolutely real and so loving. As I anticipate your transition to adulthood whatever that means, I still find it difficult to put it into words. There are so many more things I still want to teach you because I feel that you have many more wonderful stages of life still to come. I want you to know that no matter how many lemons life sends you, I will be there to see you through putting them up on Ebay for sale. If I am not there in person, then I will be in your heart. I know... I know.. I always say children don't come with a" User Manual" but here is the user manual advice I have for you. In life, always take responsibility for your actions irrespective of whether they are good or bad. And remember that in this  life if you cannot change something, it is always better to change the way you think about whatever it is.

Just, like , I have told you before, life can be cruel and there may be suffering along the way. When that happens, don't allow such hiccups to make you retreat from life. Face your challenges and celebrate your victories. Be open to new experiences and to new people because it is these incredible people who will create the best times of your life and will be there during your toughest times. You are an intelligent young man and I don't ever want to hear you use CAN'T as an excuse. ALWAYS TRY even when you can't. For sure you will meet some people who will try to outdo you, but remember my anthem, "Life is not a competition. Its a journey". So if you spend that journey just trying to impress others or outdoing others, trust me - you will be wasting your journey. Instead, I want you to turn your life into a journey of happiness, love, constant learning and continual improvement. Always be kind to others even when you feel they are undeserving. Let others see you from the inside and share your amazing spirit with them. And, remember, it is okay to show your true feelings and resist bending to the gender stereotypes. They are man-made just like racial stereotypes. We have talked about this already and I know that you are well informed. Most important, love yourself even when others may criticize you. I want you to always know that you are nothing less than the wonderful, sensitive, funny, strong, loyal, multifaceted and intuitive young man that I am so profoundly proud of to call my son. I want you to be proud of your efforts in life and always give thanks for the efforts of others. Most of all, remember that respect is not assigned, but earned. Because respect is a continuous effort, recognize that it occurs with every interaction you will have. So, earn it every single day and give it generously. Welcome to adulthood and take your place. Finally, enjoy your adulthood and know that I love you unconditionally!

Much Love
Your Mom