Hello My Name is Chemo Brain Fog....

Hello chemo brain fog!

Its a concept I had never heard of before! Foreign concept is what I mean. Anyway, chemo saved my life but rearranged my brain. The difficulty I am experiencing retrieving words makes me wonder what happened to me during treatment. I am not talking about the normal human condition where you forget stuff here and there. I am experiencing changes in my memory, I have shortened attention spans and I have difficulty concentrating. The chemo brain fog I am experiencing is the kind where I am having a conversation and I get into a loss for words. I know the word and its right there on the tip of my tongue. I can see it but dang! it just disappears and when I don't need to use the word it suddenly pops up when that particular conversation is over. Do you know how frustrating and disconcerting that is?

This whole situation is not like I cannot comprehend language, its just that I cannot retrieve the words. Kinda like memory lapse. For instance, on occasion, when I am trying to describe a story in conversation, its hard to keep up with whatever I am saying. I feel my train of thought getting derailed, just going south and I know its time to keep quiet. In those instances, I feel like a hot mess. I do get infuriated and frustrated when people say, "Oh we all have our moments of forgetfulness". Please don't say that because you dont know what I am going through. Next time I express my frustration and you have the urge to share your non chemo induced forgetfulness, I suggest you go away before I punch you in the face.

Anyway, overwhelmed by frustration, I paid my family doctor a visit to get some clarity regarding this mystery. I love my doctor dearly because she takes all my concerns very seriously. As I expressed my worry with thinking and memory problems she immediately advised me it was called "chemo brain fog". To my relief, the doctor assured me that I was not imagining stuff and that I could be experiencing what is referred to as "Chemo Brain Fog" the foggy thinking and forgetfulness experienced by most cancer patients after treatment. The truth is, I have found myself grasping for words mid conversation. I feel embarrassed and frustrated when I am forced to stop and search for words needed to convey my thoughts. This is not even funny. As for peoples names, well, next time I meet you and I forget your name just forgive me please in advance.

Chemotherapy saves lives but new studies reveal that it may impair normal brain function resulting in memory loss, diminished concentration, difficulty multitasking and word retrieval. Encouraged that I was not hallucinating or losing my mind, I researched further on this new found neuro cognitive concept. I stumbled on a Psycho-Oncology research study which clearly describes the cognitive effects of cancer treatment. The study followed 26 women undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer and found that cognitive processes were severely affected followed by memory loss (Downie, 2006, p.921). Other studies have shown that some patients experience some amount of memory and other cognitive impairments even before going through any kind of treatment. Researchers believe that having cancer itself may be a contributing factor to the fog as the body is under stress and fights the disease. Chemo brain fog is not an imagined problem but a real medical mystery doctors and researchers continue to struggle with finding answers.

As perplexing as this whole experience is, I am just glad this damn chemo brain does not impact intelligence. It only impacts recall, attention, word finding and results in chronic fatigue. For now, I can deal with that. This whole experience has taught me that recovery is more than just looking better. I cannot wait for the fog to lift so that I can be myself once again. Until next time, stay tuned.........