Breaking News: I have Cancer!

I figured there is no easier way to say this but I felt a blog was the best way to tell everyone. After the long wait, today I was told I have Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Nevertheless, I have to go through the rituals of chemotherapy and probably radiation combination to get rid of these damn cells. On receiving the news, I was NUMB and in Shock! I froze... and watched the little pieces of my life falling apart. I thought it was going to be easier after the long wait but hell no! I went into a daze and just saw the doctor's lips moving like he was miming.The immediate emotional upheaval was unspeakable as I agonized and struggled with the news in my head. Thank God! Krissy my friend from school was with me. She was so amazing, she kept talking to me and telling me everything was going to be fine. I didn't believe her but I appreciated that she was able to convey some positive news contrary to what the doctor had just said. As we continued walking through Chinatown, she enthused me with her funny stories about her recent trip to Peru and plans for her Phd. I must say she was so good because I was distracted for a while until I got home. Well, Krissy started practicing her Master of Social work skills on me giving me all the positive vibes and it worked. When I got home, all the feelings just came to a head. I called Tinashe and I just broke down crying. My partner was there just wiping away those tears and assuring me that I was going to be fine. My dear sister Esther, thank you for being there on this day because I needed you so much. You are such an appreciated constant in my life. Thank you for appearing when you did. Thank you for just hugging me and and making me laugh in the midst of all this.  I cannot do without you and I want you to know that I love you and I appreciate you. As the tears flowed, I just felt this big lump on my throat.... and I am still crying. I am just having a hard time with this. Suddenly, I felt so sad and overwhelmed by the news. The doctor told me next week I am seeing an oncologist. I have to do some more tests which include staging and bone marrow etc etc. After the tests I am supposed to begin chemo. NUMB..... I am unable to describe fully what I am feeling because it is just overwhelming, thinking about this uphill battle that confronts me is something you cannot wind around your finger. Still feeling so exhausted and my chest is hurting so much. I hate this disease... I am a hot mess.... hotmess.org...