Grieving the Loss of my Health

When I am feeling sad I just shut down and I cry and don't listen to reason. I choose not to talk much and prefer to be in silence. That's what I have been doing the past few months. I do not believe there is anyone who wants to think about an illness like cancer and possible untimely death. As someone who has overcome much in my life and just completed a Master in Social Work degree, I felt invincible.  Nothing prepared me for the shock and devastation I experienced on receiving this terminal diagnosis. Just the mere idea that at some point, I may not be able to take care of myself or my children just made me cry uncontrollably. Suddenly, I realized this diagnosis took away my ability to plan for the future. I grieved for my own mortality. Well, I realized that all the tears and strong overwhelming emotions was GRIEF. One may wonder how can you grieve as if you lost someone. The deep sorrow and sadness I experienced after receiving the devastating news was grief. A very personal and universal experience that is different for every individual. I am grieving because I am losing my health. Thats a loss right there. The feelings of numbness and shock at receiving news was all normal. I guess those are the complex realities of receiving such life altering news.  Damn, as a social worker one would assume I should know about this. I recall my undergrad learning during my internship that grieving helps us come to terms with what is happening as well as coming to terms with the future. Yes, grieving is not a sign of weakness but my necessity.