Special Dedication to Tinashe my Princess, my Rock and Panache

Tinashe, thank you for being my confidante, soul-mate and friend. You have walked every single part of this journey with me. You have cried every tear with me and yet I have never heard you say, "I am tired" or "I cannot do this anymore". For that, I am so grateful and words alone cannot suffice. Its only God who will bless you and I pray that he continues to uphold you and breathe in you enough strength to keep going. I love you my panache and I appreciate you so much. Some are wondering what is 'panache' its a French word used to describe dashing confidence of style, awesome, courage or swagger. You have held my hand when I lost all the courage and strength and you have whispered words of encouragement and wisdom that I never imagined I would be hearing from my own child. Every time you speak to me I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have squeezed your slender but strong hands throughout all the biopsies and you never slowed down. Even when I tried to hide the gravity of the news because you were not feeling well, you forgot about yourself and you were there wiping my tears and hugging me. What about the sleepless nights at the emergency? You are so amazing that is why I call you TinaFabulous!

Its because you are fabulous and many other lovely things. You are so selfless and you love unconditionally. However, I hope throughout this journey you will take time for yourself without feeling guilty or obligated because I don't want you to feel depleted and overwhelmed. I will understand completely because it is not healthy for you to just keep going because in the end, you will not have anything to give me in that condition. I say these words with much love and understanding because this journey is going to be long and exhausting. You have spoken on my behalf when we are at the doctors because I am at a loss for words because of the enormity of this situation, the amount of forms you have completed on my behalf, Gosh! is all I can say. You have wiped my tears many a times. I can go on and on. The list is so long that I am unable to finish it in one breath. But, in all this, you have remained the strong pillar of support that any mother can wish for. Thank you for just being the young gracious lady that you are. Thank you for the cozy chats even in the middle of the night at the emergency let alone all the chaos and confusion surrounding me. Thank you for the shared laughter and tears, kindness, acceptance and most of all the emotional support. Thank you for all the countless little things you do. You might think those little things go unnoticed, but trust me, I see and appreciate every single little thing. Your name holds a special meaning in my heart because my mother named you Tinashe. Tinashe means "God is with us". My mother knew then, that you were special and God sent for a purpose. I thank God for you and I love you and adore you with every bone in my body. Thank you for giving me the swagger.com. I love it because I might have cancer but I do have swagger! and yeah you're right lets kick butt!

This girl is special. When I say she is my princess, some may say I am too much. But, the truth is, she is a princess. She handles everything with such grace and dignity fit for royalty. She is strong and is so much in control and mature for her age. I don't know what I would do without her. For sure I would be lost and by now lost my sanity. She is my rock and my anchor. She makes me laugh and at times she cries with me then we burst out laughing after we finish crying. That is how we roll. She calls us "Team Victory" and I love the sound of that. Anyway, here is a letter she wrote me that brought me to tears. This video is part of the letter and our good memories of things we do together every Christmas "Karaoke". I love this song and we sing it and rock it like the Crazies. I sometimes forget the lyrics and make up my own and we just crack up laughing when I am found guilty of recreating this Abba song. Thank you Tinashe for just reminding me the abundant love, laughter and joy we all have for each other. Chiquitita tell me whats wrong. You're enchained in your own sorrow.. How I hate to see you like this....ta ra ra ra .... I am a shoulder you can cry on... Your best friend and the one you must rely on.... Thanks Tinashe, now I am singing along......

Dear Mom,

It’s been a long journey you’ve walked through to get my brothers and I right here. You worked so hard and gave up so much to build a bright future for us. Thank you so much for this love.
We may not always agree but the love that we have for each other is so evident. We have so many laughs together whether it’s hearing your stories – which always make me laugh OR you know how you say “and then what did she say?” and Tap rolls his eyes? {priceless} OR like how every Christmas we annoy Tap with our “chiquitta” LOL! I could obviously go on and on but this is just meant to be just a note not a novel. You have 3 exceptionally pinache and grown ass kids who all love you more than anything – we do.

I know it’s really hard for you right now because having cancer sucks but you know what else I know? I know that you have enough courage and strength to go through it with swagger.com.
You have gotten past crazy things in your journey and this is just going to be a hiccup that we’ll be speaking about in past tense very very soon at Simon Sushi. You’re a fighter, a tough cookie – now let’s kick butt!

I love you and I’m here.

Tinashe

PS: Tiramisu tomorrow for sure!

Dedicating a Very Intimate and Special Moment with Christina

Today I woke up feeling better than yesterday. That nagging chest pain seems to have dissipated for now. Like I always do, check the positives vibes to start my day. Then I get this very special and intimate message from my 'muzukuru" (my grandchild), Hermana's beautiful girl KiKiNa from England! She is only 18 go figure!  You are so full of depth and are very wise KiKi for your age and I do feel the love, thank you, thank you and thank you!. I cried tears of joy as I read this message and I printed it out and pasted it on my bedside so that every time I go to my room I can just read it and feel lifted. These insightful words touched me in the most profound way. Truly, I found myself in the center of something so special and so beautiful.  Thank you Christina for this gift of love and message which I am dedicating to my blog today.  I am lost for words and prefer to dedicate with much love my appreciation for the most beautiful words that keep bringing tears of joy to my eyes. I love you and thank you!  Here is my treasure of gold of a repost message from this young beautiful and insightful girl. My lovely muzukuru, I love you KiKi and I appreciate you with every bone in my body:


Hey Gogo i'am your musukuru christine.i would like to let you know reading your posts, words cannot express just how i feel.pure tears to my eyes, truly.... Form this moment and onwards we are going to move forward together as a grand daughter and grandmother.Gogo we might not have sheared a close relationship but believe me from this point am going to shear your lemons that life throws at you with you. In most tradition the grandmother is of a high status and looks over her children and grandchildren. but let us swap roles gogo. i'am going to look after you everyday till the day that you get better.i might not be there for you psychically in person but know that even though am 10 thousand miles away my heart and soul is within you wrapped around in the wisdom the lays within you. There are many things i would love to say but they are just too typical and i know lots of people have probably sed them to you more then once, i bet it must sound like a tape recorder repeating itself over and over again. But gogo because am different from the rest,i say the unexpected. i don't hope that you get better. i know that you will get better. i dont doubt myself because i have FAITH in GOD. i want you to cry me a river gogo. The only way us humans can move on and regain strength when we are at our weakest points is if we let all of our emotions out but dont let the grief take over you completely gogo. Me and God are here to help you get better. You can fight these demons you have already started. gogo you are going to go through hell and back and at some moments you feel like giving up. i want you to say this little unique prayer i have written for you. At the peak points of the moment you feel like giving up. dear god. i know your are standing right besides me with your angles in this time of agony.god i thank you for all that you have done for me in my life and i cherish all that you have given me. my god you are good and great please take away this pain and weakness within me. and give me strength again.in the name of the father and the holy sprite amen. love yu x