Today is one of those special days where I see the light at the end of the chemo tunnel. It is a day filled with joy and happiness because it is my son, Tinotenda's 29th birthday. Wow! I don't feel the least old a tardy bit. In fact, I feel wiser and so blessed that I can watch my children grow into beautiful creatures! What a joy to see your children grow up and be everything any mother can ever dream for them to be. This letter is my tribute to my son Tinotenda. Its funny that no matter how old your children will ever be, they just remain your child. I guess that is one special relationship that remains constant in a parent's life and does not change with age or time. The Bible says that children are a gift of God. That is so true and I am ever grateful for my gifts to God who is the giver of all good gifts. As I write this tribute, I just want to sing a special song of praise gushing from my heart. You know the one by Kirk Franklin, that says, Someone asked the question. Why do we sing? When we lift our hands to Jesus what do we really mean? At times we maybe crying and nothing is even wrong. And when the song is over and we have all said Amen. In your heart you just keep on singing. And the song will never end. That's right, I sing, because I am happy with my beautiful gifts from God!To My Dearest Son Tinotenda,
What do you say to a handsome and fine young man who is now 29?
Happy Birthday to a wonderful son and a great friend!
I hardly know what or how to start a letter of the kind I want this to be. Probably first and foremost I just want you to know how much I love you from the bottom of my heart. Secondly, I want you to know how proud I am of you as a man. You have gone through so much but have fulfilled all the hopes and expectations a mother could have for a son. We have talked a lot about some of these things during our many enjoyable long conversations together. You have proven to be the man I am proud to call my son. You are the man, yet so gentle, intelligent and able to understand the weaknesses of others yet strong in your mind and body. You are so thoughtful, kind and have a generous spirit. I could go on and on trying to tell you how and what I feel you are but I think you know how I feel about you. I am so proud of you! You have grown into a fine young man, worthy of the name chosen for you so long ago. Tinotenda means we are thankful to God Almighty! Yes, we are thankful for many reasons. You are smart, witty, dedicated, kind and sensitive. All the things I have ever wished and hoped you would become. You have handled difficult transitions and travails with so much grace. You have endured like a true champion and for that I am extremely proud of you. You are a wonderful role model for your little brother and your sister, who both look up to you for guidance, strength and most importantly love.
As for the future, I do not know of anything that I could say to you more than I have previously tried to pass on to you particularly the ideals one should strive for in life. I admit, I have not been perfect and have made many mistakes along the way. Unfortunately, I have learnt the hard way that parenting is much more complex than just loving you fiercely. With that said, I hope we have both learnt that sometimes things in life do not always go the way we want them to. There are times we are confronted with decisions that affect others and us in ways we cannot see right away. Often we only see the results of our decisions very later on. These decisions include both positive and negative outcomes, right or wrong, good and bad, the choices that we make as individuals are our own and we have to live with them. I know that throughout my life I have made irrevocable decisions that have affected you in many ways, some good and some not so good. I made some of the decisions consciously knowing what would happen and some I did not know what the outcome would be. I had to live with the good ones as well as the bad ones knowing I could never recall or amend. But, I am so glad that I am able to tell you today, on your birthday that I am so sorry for the times I have let you down.
Son, I am not looking for forgiveness, sympathy or any foolish emotion. Not from you or anyone else. I really don't give a damn how or what people think. I am asking nothing of you. I am just trying to let you know what happened to our lives. The reason our lives were irrevocably transformed and we ended up on separate pathways. It was not at all what I wanted out of both our lives. But, in the end it was what you were dealt and for that I am so sorry and will always carry that burden. I have missed you so much that I am unable to put it into words.
Son, on a serious note, my advice to you is be your own man and learn from my own mistakes. Respect all things and know that pride is a useless and selfish emotion. Treat others as you want them to treat you and above all, never ever give up your dignity. Let no man take that away from you because it is irretrievable. You can loose everything in life such as money, clothes etc. because all that can be regained in due course. In this life, you will be faced with many choices in the years to come. I know in my heart that you will make choices that are healthy - choices that will help you to become the best man that you can be. I look forward to helping you make those choices and guiding you towards manhood in the best way I know how.
I could not ask or be more proud of the son you are today and the man you have become. I love you very much son always and eternally. My wish for your birthday is that all your dreams come true! On this fabulous day, I pray that God blesses you with all the joy and happiness in the world that you desire. Even more important, may you continue to sail through all the obstacles and challenges that may come in your way to grand success.
Happy Birthday my dearest son!
I love you always,
Mom
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