What Not to Say to a Cancer Patient

Apart from lessons learned, during this journey there are things that people say that can really be upsetting even though often, its said with the best of intention. I have encountered people who say such foolish things and I usually just roll my eyes, curse them under my breath and keep it moving. So, I thought what not to say can never be enough. I stumbled upon this insightful list of things not to say to a cancer patient and just felt compelled  to share with y'all. This list is from a hodgkins lymphoma survivor, David Hann's blog, a conductor and pianist on Broadway in New York. I found it really insightful.

*Do not stop calling them because suddenly you don’t know what to say. Do not try to avoid them in social situations because you are uncomfortable.

*Go up to them. Call them. E-mail them. Tell them, first, that you heard about the cancer. Tell them second that you think it sucks and you’re sorry to hear about it.

*Don’t talk about your uncle who died of the same cancer. Don’t talk about how your whole family has had cancer, and you’ll probably die of it, too. Don’t talk about how many people die of it every year. Don’t talk about death.

*Don’t talk about how you once got diagnosed with pneumonia, so you can understand what it’s like. No you can’t. Don’t try. Tell them you can’t even imagine what it’s like to go through something like this.

*Do not talk about the alternative medicine that you read about in Crazy Monthly, that is sure to cure them of their disease.

*Don’t tell them that their treatment isn’t good for them, and that lot’s of people end up dying from the treatments, or that chemotherapy is just a big conspiracy between the government and the pharmaceutical companies, etc., etc. Don’t tell them how they got it. Just stop. They don’t need to hear about it.

*If they are sad about it, don’t tell them that they shouldn’t be sad. They have a right to be sad, or exhausted, or whatever it is they feel. Don’t tell them what to do.

*Ask them about the treatment – then listen to the response. It might be a long response, with a lot of medical terms. Listen anyway. It’s all they probably think about right now, anyway, so just let them talk about it.

*Give them a hug, or a handshake, or a pat on the back. Touch them somehow. Tell them that you’re concerned for them, and you’re looking forward to them being a cancer survivor.

*Do not give them the line, “if there’s anything I can do just tell me…”, unless you are absolutely certain that you would do ANYTHING for them. Just don’t say it. Because most people don’t mean it. If you really want to do something for them, come up with the idea yourself, and then do it. Send them flowers, or a book, or bring over dinner for them.

Be sensitive and Be kind to one another!