Radiation Day # 1

Today I had my first radiation treatment. Before registration I was just so nervous and anxious remembering the just so devastating process of chemo. Yeah I am scarred for life...I kid you not - I have PTSD! (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Its funny that this whole cancer journey has turned me into such a sceptic. Despite my radiation oncologist telling me that radiation was not as bad as chemo I did not believe him one bit given these medical people are taught to make you feel as comfortable as possible rather than raise your anxieties. Remember radiation is localized therapy so you don't feel the the effects like chemo. Radiation is given via machines called linear accelerators which produce high energy external radiation beams that penetrate the tissues and deliver radiation dose deep into the areas where the cancer resides.

Anyway, Tinashe came into the treatment room with me. Since she had not seen the simulation process when the mask was created, she was not only amused, but I could see that she was nervous as they started placing the mask on my face and bolting me down onto the bed. She took that picture and kept holding my hand and kept asking me if I was okay. Thats me inside that dreadful white mask and lying down under the radiation machine. Thank God, my hands are not bolted in. So at least I can communicate using hands. You guessed right I could only lift my hand to respond that I was okay. Who can talk when they are all wrapped up in that mask seriously. There is no room for talking you immediately turn into sign language. Two very pleasant radiation nurses placed the mask onto my face and I got bolted down so that I stay put. I know that is the only part that felt creepy and makes you feel claustrophobic, but, I got over that after a little while.

Anyway, unlike chemotherapy the set up takes quite long yet the treatment part takes less time. Once treatment started Tinashe was asked to leave the room and the oncology nurses left too. I was left alone and I was under the radiation machine for about 20 minutes and I was done. In comparison to the dreadful chemotherapy, give me radiation any time. It was much easier than I anticipated and I was really happy about that. After treatment the nurse advised me that I will be seeing my Radiation Oncologist once every week so I am seeing him tomorrow. Also, each day before treatment I have to go through the assessment room which evaluates how well I am tolerating the radiation and monitor any side effects. How cool is that? I feel so privileged that I am under such extraordinary, amazing and thorough care. These are things I never take for granted, I just feel so humbled and I am so grateful. I may be feeling unwell but I look for bits of pleasure in each hour and every moment. I have gratitude in my heart because I find that it unlocks the fullness of life and turns what I have into enough and even more than I can ask for. I just feel so blessed!

More tomorrow....