Compassion Matters

Today I received a very inspiring email from my best friend Sam who is on an international volunteer teaching post at a University in Dakar, Bangladesh. She liked one of my previous posting about my appointment with the Radiation Oncologist, particularly how this doctor made me feel given not only my foul mood but that it was my first time to see him. And he was able to make me lose the attitude and enjoy the whole experience. Sam, thank you for being my rock and my inspiration. Most of all, I am so proud of you for the work you are doing over there. You are giving a gift that keeps on giving! You are the epitome of what I call compassionate in every sense! Not only that, when you learned about my cancer diagnosis, you flew all the way from BC to Toronto and spend a whole week with me accompanying me to doctors' appointments and just making me laugh. You are so amazing and I appreciate you so much! I just want to let you know that things you do for me do not go unnoticed. You are  a necessary piece to my puzzle of life. I love you and I miss you so much....

Anyway, as someone now very much aware of the feelings provoked by this concept, which is often loosely used. I felt compelled to just reflect and ask what does "Compassion" really mean? The basic definition of compassion is simple awareness of suffering of others and wish or desire to want to relieve that suffering. I am thinking that very definition really sounds superficial. It sounds like typical pageant response that, "I want to save the world". I hate to say it but that statement is disrespectful and condescending. People need to be "Empowered" not "Saved". People are not money that can be saved in a bank account thank you very much! Lets, get back to compassion. How can someone relieve someone's situation? Not an easy task because it is very easy in the process to become pitiful and dis-empower the other person. I don't know if I even want to discuss pity because that word leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Pity is just about feeling sorry for the person for whatever they are experiencing without necessarily being able to understand their situation. I think pity is judgemental and more-so a negative attitude that may include aloofness from the person suffering or worse still condescending.

Anyway, some humanitarian intentions are often filled with good intention, but I am sorry, once you put "saving and pity" in the mix, it just sounds so phony. Personally, I would simply define compassion as "suffering with". I feel that compassion is more about feeling with someone rather than just feeling for them. In my book of experience, compassion is trying to put yourself in my shoes for instance. How about just trying to enter my situation from my position, kinda like walk a mile in my shoes. Most important, compassion is dynamic and transcends empathy. You feel it deep inside your stomach and are moved to do something about whatever situation provoked those feelings in the first place. Until then, stay compassionate and walk a mile in other people's shoes. Because, people may not always remember what you did or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.