Just a Different Perspective on Common Decency

Are disagreements inevitable? Absolutely yes! If they are usually heated, then it is safe to say that it is a problem because it becomes an argument. There are two types of people in society. There are people who are argumentative then there are those that are quarrelsome. At this pivotal point of my life, I prefer to avoid both because they are detrimental to my health. The problem with arguments is that they tend to be loud, emotionally charged and mostly have very little to do with hearing what the other person's perspective is about. It becomes more about proving your point which does not serve any constructive purpose. Arguments tend to be very stressful, toxic and draining and do not lead to any solutions. Arguments can start out small as a meaningless thing and snowball into a life disaster. The tendency of arguments is the desire by each individual to try and convince the other person to see things from our point of view. Bad idea! Why is it that in any argument we always believe that we are the one in the right? This makes us not listen to the other person's arguments and enter into a war of words. I think some people love to argue all the time because they have deep seated anger that they have yet to resolve. I strongly believe that wanting to be right all the time can be a sign of insecurity or just a desire to hear one's voice talk all the time.

Are you one of those people constantly offering your opposing opinion when it is not asked for? Do you find yourself constantly using the word "but" during conversation with others? Then, you may be an argumentative talker. Here is the thing, if you experience many people say, "you just love to argue" or "why do you always argue?" or "I don't want to fight with you". Or, after an argument its all about you, you and you are a victim? What that means is you are egotistical and self-absorbed, you need to reconsider your approach to how you are communicating. You may be coming across as sharp, cutting and critical by implication or assuming the world rotates around you. Therefore, it may be important that you determine why you need to be "right" or make someone else "wrong" in the course of heated discussions because that is a problem! Rather than pointing fingers and blaming others, it may be time to reflect on how your own actions affect others because we cannot change other people but we can strive to change ourselves. If we focus on our ourselves and our own issues it keeps us from being critical, judgemental and victim mentality, all of which are negative characteristics. Therefore, if other people are frustrating us by how they act or what they say we will become negative. All this to say, if we thought we didn't have a plank in our eye, I guess we do now! But, you can still be the positive change you want to see in others.

On the other hand, disagreements tend to be simply a difference of opinion and resolving such issues does not mean you have to agree. You just respect the other person's decision and move on. Arguments are stupid because a single argument has the potential to destroy a lifetime relationship. Yes, its that easy to destroy a relationship! Therefore, next time when you decide to get into an argument, do it with a rationality and healthiness of the human mind as opposed to insanity so that you do not destroy your relationships or the people around you. And don't get into heated arguments with anyone facing a life threatening illness because their plate is full already. It is a low blow and a hit below the belt of what is considered acceptable or compassionate behaviour. Its called crossing the proverbial line of common decency! Just, remember, an argument often stops being helpful when it turns into a duet presentation or a screaming match at each other at the same time. Once upon a time, I was one to never back down in an argument but with time, I have learned to let go of the demons that caused me to do so. More importantly, one of my life lessons is that in any type of argument there are no winners or losers except broken relationships. I value all my relationships and live by the philosophy espoused by Epictetus the Greek philosopher which states, "When we are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings, then you will forget your anger". I know I may be sounding cliche the more I keep saying that cancer is teaching me that life is too precious to sweat the small stuff. But, I truly mean it. Life is too precious to destroy it with silly arguments.

Cancer is like a gift to me that gives me clarity and purpose. If you ask me, cancer forces you not only to focus on what is important but prioritizing and not sweating the small stuff. I used to get angry at trivial stuff or engage in silly and worthless arguments. But, I have come to realize that, indeed, life does move at a rapid speed and in that process, it is easy to lose sight of what is important in this precious life. In the "end" I would not want to look back on my life with regrets. So, I am choosing to pick everything positive and letting go of anything negative. What I know for sure is that if I am going to be crying it better be related to this Hodgkins not because someone or anyone is trying to get under my skin. This is because according to every story of cancer I have come across so far, it is a positive attitude that will carry me through every down and every valley. It is a positive attitude that makes a difference in this battle with cancer. How do I maintain this positive attitude? I am prompted to draw a line in the sand because of this very interesting article that I read today that talks about how arguments or nasty fights can be hazardous to your health. Did you know that when discussions disintergrate into flurry of words, our immune systems pay the price. It is argued that the same stress hormones like cortisol that kick in as a reactive force when we face imminent danger, the same substances reduce our body's supply of disease fighting immune cells. Given these scientific facts, I am learning to re-evaluate my life path and not lose sight of what is important in my life at this very moment - guarding my immune system which is compromised!