When I thought the day was almost over and I wait for tomorrow's aches, joys and surprises, I receive this special message from my beautiful niece who resembles me, Rumbidzai Chopamba the Acturial Scientist (I just needed to say that with much pride) my brother Chanda's daughter in England. Rumbi, thank you for this message and thank you for giving me so much strength and understanding that God is rebuilding his house, getting the drains right and stopping the roof from leaking. That is so profound! You see, I thought I was being made into a little cottage but like you said, I am being made into a palace. Yeah, now I am feeling all glamorous! Thank you Rumbi, for touching the core of my spirit. I love you and I appreciate you!
You know it’s really hard to start a letter like this one. At first I thought I should cheer you up and I thought of the million ways I could do that. I had the words I was going to say then I started writing , and needless to say.....Tete I am sorry that you have to go through this. I wish you did not have to , but then I am also glad you are. You see, I know that God never puts us through situations where the losses or pain experienced outweigh the gains. If the loss and the pain you are going through could somehow be avoided then , believe me He would have. My favourite bible author is Solomon. He has a poem where he talks about a time and a season for everything. And so like everything Tete, this disease will have its time and its season. And the wonderful thing about seasons is that they too must pass, albeit that some go on for longer than others, they do pass and they give way to new ones. LOL mashona tinoti “Chisingaperi chinoshura”. I guess in the lemons scenario I am more of a “ When life gives you lemons just eat your lemons ; you need them. And when your need for lemons expires you’ll receive something else.” Tete, I cannot say what will come or happen tomorrow but I know that God holds you in his arms. There is pain or sorrow that you feel sometimes, you know, there is the pain you can share and then there is that pain that sometimes that takes you to low places, in those times remember God understands, even more than you and I ever can. Sounds cliche , but boy is it true! what is trust or faith if not hoping against all hope and believing in the throes of diversity ? You know from when I was a young child, I have always been afraid of the dark. I laugh at myself still today, but its something that I have often failed to shake off. When I was a child I was afraid of the monsters and ghosts, which at the time, I believed, camped out in my cupboard during the day and would only came out at night to haunt me and steal me from my little bed. Now that I am older, my fears have also grown with me. Now I fear the fact that I cannot see the things around me. You see, I am not afraid anymore of monsters but I am afraid that I cannot see them. Darkness makes whatever power I have seem small and useless. It belittles me and fills my mind with all the horrid things that could be lurking around me, not monsters anymore but other things, thieves, death and such. Spiritual darkness I find is very similar whether this darkness is brought on by guilt, pain, shame or loss. It renders whatever confidence and hope one had during the day quite insignificant. Because we cannot see in darkness , the enemy takes this opportunity to magnify our worst fears and works on our minds to ensure that we are in constant worry and upset. Because we cannot see , we cannot challenge him, and just when you think you can make a stand something always comes and knocks you back down again. So, what do you do when you cannot see? You hold on to one who does. The one who says to you, whatever you did I can forgive, whatever your loss I can fill and whatever your pain I am able to heal. The one to whom darkness and light are the same so that nothing is hid from His eyes. And, if He can see all things then He alone truly knows how big those monsters lurking on your closet are and either way , He will always be much bigger than they can ever be. When your own sight fails Tete, hold on to the arm of God that is always stretched out for you. There is nothing you could ever explain that would shock Him or cause Him to become confused. He knows it already but He would just love it for you to tell Him yourself. And, when you have done so, trust that He is able to handle whatever it is you have left for Him to do. For if we are ever to approach God in the first place, then we must know full well that He is God and I know you do.
Have patience to wait upon Him and upon His promises. Wait. Just, wait. Stop worrying, stop crying, stop pestering and stop hovering. Just. Wait. In His own time, in His own way. Remember if you could handle it you would’ve but you gave it to Him (and don’t you hate it when someone keeps checking up on you when they’ve asked you to do something ?..............especially when you know exactly what you are doing?! God loves you as do I. So whatever darkness you are in now. Just hold on to His hand and remember that the forces and the powers that are on your side are greater than any power that rises against you. The Lord is with you, to hold you and to comfort you. God is here , to grant peace for your soul. The Spirit is here to keep you peaceful during the quiet fretful moments of your day.
Above all remember this, No matter what , no matter how chaotic things may be going, if God is never surprised then to Him its always going according to plan. He is in control. In other news Congratulations !!! ( In advance ) for the PHD . I must say I have had enough of books right now and I am not even close ! Quite far actually,...... sigh... finally A quote from my favourite author CS Lewis ( Mere Christianity).
Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself. CS Lewis.
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