Relax Everyone Things are now Moving

Relax everyone, I am so happy to share with you that things are beginning to move and fast. Despite the aches and pains, I am not complaining! I am sure everyone has been wondering what the hell happened since I have not blogged since ???? What happened? How did I abandon you all like that?  Even, I was asking myself the same question. Well, the truth is, I spent the whole weekend sleeping because of this fatigue that is debilitating. I kept dragging myself in and out of bed only to use the washroom because my chest continues to hurt and makes it difficult to sit upright for long periods. But, I am feeling much better than last week. This situation has taught me not to live in nostalgia but live in the moment and appreciate every single day because I realize looking back at all the weekend aches strains my neck and inhibits my progression. Today I went in to meet my oncologist for the first time at one of the best cancer hospitals. I never imagined in my lifetime I would be entering this cancer hospital. Its funny how we always think its them not us. Here I am, who knew? After registering we sat in this huge waiting room and as you look around you realize there are so many people with all sorts of cancers. This place looks completely different from where I have been going since May.  Like the British say, it looks "posh" but depressing. I even forgot about my own cancer for a while or that I was one of them. I must add, I feel blessed to have Tinashe by my side because this is not a place you want to go alone for sure. Every appointment just brings me to tears. It feels like just re-living the same nightmare over and over again except this is not a dream but my reality. I guess, that is the part that makes me tear up every time.

Anyway, this waiting room was exceptionally clean and sterile for good reason which you will appreciate later. In the middle of this amazement, someone came around and started serving juice and cookies to everyone. The coffee was just there for every one's fancy. Not that I care for a cup of coffee - I have a thing for Cappuccino or a Macchiato from Starbucks. That was something being availed eats and drinks! A first for me anyway!  Anyhow, I appreciated this gesture but, I was too focused on eating the sushi Tinashe had gotten for me. It don't matter how ill I am - I love some sushi! The room was full of both men and women but what caught my eye was that most of the patients are much older. Some looked very ill and bald while some appeared to be doing well. I felt very young and for a moment thought wow! my age group is not represented. And that fleeting thought of why me did cross my mind but, I quickly remembered that God does not give us more than we can handle. I remembered Paul's words in Corinthians 10:13 explicitly states, "God is faithful and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing he will also provide the way out that you may be able to endure it". That scripture stopped me in my tracks and I looked beyond my self-centeredness to the pain and severe testing of others right before my eyes were enduring. Anyway, the rest was not very eventful apart from hearing from the doctor the reality and gravity of my situation. We went over what to expect, CT scan, bone marrow biopsy, staging, baseline tests then treatment. All appointments have already been scheduled in advance which is great. Based on the tests done so far, ABVD, a chemotherapy regimen will be used. It is the first line treatment of Hodgkins lymphoma and may be used in combination with radiation. Will tell you more later about this because I have to share with you the most frightening thing that the doctor told me. He said, I am going to lose my hair in a few weeks. I know what you are all thinking, "it will grow again".

Please don't even say it or think it! Just allow me to start grieving for the loss of my hair in two weeks which I know will be traumatic given the pep talk that I got today from the doctor. Its like he knows the impact on our psyche as women! I guess the guy has experience with how we are attached to our hair. I am thinking, coping is fine but how do you embrace going bald, losing eyebrows, lashes and all the hair everywhere? Did you hear that bald? I am going bald and I know for sure that is going to make me cry because my hair is so pretty. I have sister locs y'all - these tiny little locs that are off the chart. I will take a picture and show you before I shave my head. Its inevitable, I mean the hair loss. Maybe, I will throw a Pity Party for myself and ask Tinashe to bake some cupcakes for the sad event and invite a couple of people. Anyway, just discussing what to expect in terms of treatment gave me perspective of this roller coaster I have embarked on. I also had my first staging tests today which will be followed by other tests the following two weeks. One of the tests that is giving me the jitters is the bone marrow test - removal of tissue from the bone marrow. Ouch! I am so terrified about that one because the doc said it will be painful.

Anyway, before I forget, I must say, I fell in love with my oncologist and I can tell y'all that such a connection with a doctor makes this ride much easier. He is warm, friendly, compassionate and everything you asked for in your prayers. I can see the heaven opening up for me already... for good things to come. He gave me a book on lymphoma and more literature on the treatment and what to expect. After all my tests, I am seeing my doctor in two weeks, I guess that is the end of September when I complete the tests. He advised that is when I am beginning treatment.  Just saying those words feels so good and relieving. I told you earlier about the discussion, that it was very intense. One of the critical things the doctor talked about was to ensure that we be diligent with contact precautionary measures to avoid any infection in whatever type or form. I have to wash my hands constantly and limiting contact with other people when I begin treatment. And, as usual Tinashe was making me laugh as we headed home. She said to me, "Mom, as your caregiver, I am going to make a big precautionary poster for the house urging visitors to wear masks or stay away if they are sick or recovering from coughs or colds and no hugging. She says, I don't trust anyone so, I will be screening each and every person".  She just cracks me up and I am thinking, what am I going to do, I love hugs. But, I guess we have to adhere in order for me to be well. This is it for now people, I promise I will not keep you in suspense again. I promise to write at least two lines even when I am not well because I believe God sent me some strong shoes for these stony paths. Stay tuned......